“We are all narcissists in areas where we have yet to be healed.”
Dr. Bob Schuchts
A bit shocking for many of us to hear and consider. “Me?? Narcissistic???” Well, I have been gifted with an insight into myself that I want to challenge my readers to consider as well.
In areas where I carry wounds yet unhealed, I am noticing a lot of focus on “self”. I am finding lists of expectations of others that often lead to resentments. I see a heavy concern with how others perceive me. I am noticing how I approach certain relationships feeling defensive and respond in very self-protective ways. I am noticing the strong reactions that follow when fair or unfair expectations I have of another are not met or are violated. I am noticing how worthless I can feel when someone else’s actions indicate to me that I don’t matter.
In areas where I carry wounds, core wounds, identity wounds, I am noticing ways in which I am drawn to use another person to know that I’m “okay”. On my own, I don’t seem to be able to know that I’m good. I am like a little kid, looking at mom to know I haven’t fallen in her eyes when I do something she said not to do. In these areas of my heart, I am very small, I am very young and I am in need of much love and nurture that I am now realizing must come from within. The outside affirmation I am after is a mirage of the rest I seek in the conviction I must own of my identity and the goodness and dignity it entails.
If you feel resistance at considering the suggestion quoted above, all I can say is this – It is not freedom for my happiness to be determined by the actions of another. It is not freedom for my worth to rest on another’s evaluation. It is not freedom for either person to be the bestower of one’s dignity, and it is not freedom not to allow others the space to let you down, seeing their failure as a condemnation of their character.
I was made for freedom. I was made to appreciate my (and therefore your) goodness, to walk in my dignity, to know my Identity and to feel it as a wellspring bubbling up from within that allows me to pour it forth upon others. To feel the effect of the infinite source of power from the innate and unchangeable qualities I was given from my Divine Source and remember that I am Good, that I Matter and that I am Enough. Not because I said so, but because I was made in the Image and Likeness of God, with a heart with which to know and a heart with which to love all that is True, Good and Beautiful, and from this comes my purpose, my meaning and my destiny.
And so does yours.
Reflection inspired by episode 118 of the Interior Integration for Catholics by Dr. Peter Malinoski titled:
Grateful and Blessed and Sometimes a Mess 