In this world it is impossible not to get wounded. Whether it is from our own carelessness and concupiscence or from that of others or straight up maliciousness, we all procure wounds along the way. I’ve been doing a lot of research and personal work on wounds lately. It’s the kind of stuff that is hard to get to because it’s buried under denial, self-protective barriers or shame. So I find it takes a gentle hand, a guide and a tender heart to help you through it.
I wrote a poem a while back that has the line, “you don’t see the mess, you don’t care about the brokenness, you just stand right here with me, then get down on your knees…. “. I know what I meant. I meant that Jesus doesn’t find my messiness off-putting, that he’s able to look past it like a sweet parent who gushes over their little babe with food all over its face beaming back at mom or dad. I meant that He loves me where I am, but then goes about the work to make sure I don’t stay there. It’s true, but not at the same time. There is so much more.
I was listening to Bishop Barron’s Sunday homily the other day. He was talking about Jesus as “the lamb of God”. Heavy talk, but also something we’ve heard a thousand times and kind of “don’t hear it when we hear it” a lot of the time. Basically what he said was that God is like a divine mechanic. You don’t take a broken car to another broken car and say “fix it”, you go to someone who knows cars. Just so with humanity (another person can’t ever “fix” you, but God can).
I was so delighted by Bishop Barron’s phrasing when he said, “there is something the matter with us”! Hah! How true. How often have you heard you sibling say to you, “What’s the matter with you?!” or perhaps you’ve thought in your head, “What’s the matter with that guy?” We all have something the matter with us. We all have a brokenness in us that longs to be fixed, but we go about fixing it the wrong way when we take it to anyone or anything but the Lord. We want to be well, but for some reason we don’t realize that He is the only one who can and who longs to do that for us. Why do we go to Him? Because He is the maker of the “car”. He knows how the damn thing runs, what parts fit where, what materials are needed, and can figure out the source of the damage and repair it! But he doesn’t just know how to repair it, He is dying, has died, to be the one to get to fix your broken parts so you can get back on the road and journey toward His heart.
All of a sudden the thought hit me like a ton of bricks, “Oh my gosh, it’s not that You don’t care about the mess…you WANT my mess! You came down and got into the messiness of life because you knew that was the only way to fix it, and if You fix it, we can make our way back to you! You are hungry for my mess because you know how to repair, restore, resurrect, and transform it so I can finally be well and journey Home.”
Wow, does that hit anyone else straight to the heart like it did me? I feel like I’m breathing faster and sitting up straighter, like my mind’s been cracked open. I’m not unfixable, but I’m not supposed to be all put together already. I am a little bit broken, there is something the matter with me, but it’s okay. It’s good actually because that is exactly where He gets to storm the gates of my heart if I ask Him to, and once He does, that is exactly where I get to know Him in the most beautiful way and gradually over time I start to see that I am beautiful, I am good, and I am “Fearfully and wonderfully made.”
He’s waiting for you too. Call The Mechanic. He wrote the owner’s manual to your heart.
Grateful and Blessed and Sometimes a Mess 